Filming on the new Die Hard movie has been postponed because Bruce Willis is too fat. The actor admits he has put on weight since he first played cop John McClane 18 years ago and says he is frightened of embarrassing himself with a “flabby physique” on screen. Just make the movie, Bruce. Forget getting […]
A study of Britain’s most loved and loathed brands has just come out, coinciding nicely with the latest round of Big Brother. The Borkowski poet in residence has taken this coincidence and run with it. I went on Big Brother to be famous and cool but found myself portrayed as a tedious fool who couldn’t […]
Pete Doherty makes his fans tidy his house. The singer asks admirers who gather outside his London home if they would do odd jobs for him. The singer has said he always knew he wanted to be a star – because he was always attracted to excitement. When fame falls away and all that remains […]
after Eleanor Rigby by Lennon and McCartney Sir Paul McCartney has taken a break from wife Heather because she treats him like a “doormat”, it has been claimed. Last week, it was reported the pair had been staying apart. The Borkowski poet in residence apologises for his inability to sing… Ah, look at all the […]
Keith Richards may be permanently brain damaged and never perform live again – after falling from a tree. Doctors fear the worse for the Rolling Stones guitarist who underwent a second brain operation last night following his dramatic 15ft fall from a coconut tree. No more rolling, Keith? It’s such a shame. We’d always thought […]
Tom Cruise is allegedly in talks to sell photos of his baby girl for up to $1 million. Whichever agency obtains the first official snaps of the tot will be able to sell them to the world’s newspapers and magazines. We have photographs for sale of a baby, a pretty baby who looks like any […]
Home Secretary Charles Clarke resisted calls today to update Parliament urgently on efforts to track down more than 1,000 wrongly-released foreign criminals. The Home Office said he would give only a progress report “by the end of the week”. Charles Clarke, Charles Clarke, no bite just bark, would have failed to count animals into Noah’s […]
Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott, remembered for his attacks on Tory sleaze in the 1990s, has been having a two year affair with a political secretary. The heady aphrodisiac of power can even make John Prescott look quite sweet investing him with eyes no puppy dog could despise and an eager wagging willingness to cheat […]
The Borkowski poet in residence succumbs to the power of celebrity advertising on hearing that Catherine Zeta-Jones has topped a list of the highest-paid product endorsing celebrities – Penelope Cruz also made the list after earning £2.2 million to promote L’Oreal hair products. I want to eat crisps and suddenly become a football god and […]
Jade Goody failed to complete this year’s London Marathon. Before beginning the race she admitted she had hardly trained for the event. She said her training diet had consisted of Chinese takeaways, curries and beer. Stop running Jade, stop running. Your curry’s ready and you look exhausted. You’ve done ten minutes already and it’s started […]