BECAUSE I’M WORTH IT

The Borkowski poet in residence succumbs to the power of celebrity advertising on hearing that Catherine Zeta-Jones has topped a list of the highest-paid product endorsing celebrities – Penelope Cruz also made the list after earning £2.2 million to promote L’Oreal hair products.

I want to eat crisps
and suddenly become a football god and TV personality
in one fell swoop
because seriously, I am so worth it.
I want to live like a celebrity
choking on money and girls
and whatever else is to hand
because I am worth it.
I want weak lager to make me look like Brad Pitt
because I am worth it.
When I splash Chanel No 5 on my girl
I want her to suddenly transform
by alchemical miracle into Nicole Kidman
because I’m worth it.
I want the TV to suck me in
and keep me in its land of happy fantasies
where the walls are as removable
as the clothes
and you can skip several months
in under a second
because I’m worth it.
I want to get out of this crummy town
because I’m worth more than it.
I want to stop selling shampoo
over the counter in Boots
in fact
I want my shampoo to set me up for life
because damn it I’m worth it I tell you.