CHEWING THE FAT

Filming on the new Die Hard movie has been postponed because Bruce Willis is too fat. The actor admits he has put on weight since he first played cop John McClane 18 years ago and says he is frightened of embarrassing himself with a “flabby physique” on screen.

Just make the movie, Bruce.
Forget getting into shape.
If your waistline is loose
it will make each daring escape
that much more of a joy.
Throw your fat in the frying pan;
in a fat world it’s a sure-fire ploy
to win you countless new fans.

Just make the movie, Bruce
and wheeze Yippie Kay Ay.
Even fat men can seduce
in their own special way.
The weighty die easier,
that much is true
but the movie will always be cheesier
and thinner than you