Written after reading that Lindsay Lohan discovered she was “a highly sexual person” whilst hiding in a quiet white room for 30 days during a stay in rehab. Love me or loathe me, won’t you mentally unclothe me I’m sexual in the extreme I’m after something ecstatic but – let me make this quite emphatic […]
Millionaire Conservative donor Lord Laidlaw has declined to set a date when he will end his tax exile and failed to comply with a condition for a peerage set three years ago. The Borkowski poet in residence took this as a perfect opportunity for a tongue twister… Lord Laidlaw paid for a peerage it appears […]
“Caring Kate Middleton acted like a new mum to Prince William…” The Sun, Monday, April 16 If William had married Kate Middleton he’d have made a ghastly error, akin to fighting fire with fire as in the war on terror, a repetition of the worst traits any royal family possesses like dressing up as Nazis […]
It is good and proper to accept money from your country. The Borkowski poet in residence on the British hostages in Iran selling their stories on release. Death or glory, sell your story, take the media tycoon shilling. The eagle has landed and it’s money minded. Don’t fight just make a killing. If you flunk […]
The Borkowski poet in residence considers the relationship between celebrities and pain in the wake of Halle Berry telling America’s Parade magazine recently that she had contemplated suicide after her first marriage imploded. Pain is an implement for careful use, when nothing else will raise your name out of the gutter of yesterday’s news. When […]
The Borkowski poet in residence takes a scathing look at the world of celebrity and its knock on effects. This is a world encased in plastic and driven on by image where even the winners are losers and the search for fame’s a scrimmage A world coated in Teflon where even cricket is corrupt and […]
The Borkowski poet in residence on Naomi Campbell’s community service clearing garbage in New York after assaulting her housemaid last year. She’s a catwalk queen famed for punching servants out. She’s a solipsist; it’s her creed and she’s most devout. She’s Monroe mixed with Daffy Duck, she’s capable of carnage but she must still look […]
Written after Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff was dropped as vice-captain of England’s World Cup cricket team for falling drunk from a pedalo boat whilst celebrating by cricket authorities whose memories clearly don’t extend as far back as the 1980s and Ian Botham. Cricket is a noble sport. No drunkards are allowed. Cricketers must hold their heads […]
“Tony Blair has forged a special bond with the Rev Ian Paisley, the DUP leader who holds the future of the Northern Ireland peace process in his hands, by discussing their common interest in and commitment to Christianity… “Blair is brilliant at seducing Paisley,” Lord Bew said. “This is the most amazing love affair, the […]
The Borkowski poet in residence on the crisis engulfing broadcasters including ITV, Channel 4 and Channel Five over premium-rate interactive services. Moses supposes his toeses are roses and that no TV phone in’s been fixed but Moses supposes erroneously; his chance of winning’s been nixed. Moses suggests that footballs are breasts, that if he says […]