IN THE FAMILY WAY

Psalm 22 from The Book of Common Celebrity Prayer

Last week, actress Holly Hunter gave birth to twins. Shortly afterwards, it was announced that actress Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are expecting twins.

Give me fertility or give me death,
give me two babies, give me IVF.

Give me a c-section, give me a simple birth,
give me a personal trainer to decrease my girth.

Give me a perfect body in a couple of weeks
and please let my children not grow up to be geeks.

Give me enough money, give me the right schools
give me two children who’ll shine like jewels.

Give me IVF, get me in the family way.
I want babies called Ovid and Mandalay.

Give me TV coverage for the first time they smile
give me fashion houses to dress them in style

Give me fertility or give me death,
give me two babies, give me IVF

but if anyone else is bearing twins,
give me sextuplets to wipe their grins