GOOD PARENTING

Kate Winslet will “knife” anyone who calls her a bad mother. The actress, who has a five-year-old daughter Mia and two-year-old son Joe, has warned people never to question her parenting skills. “People can throw anything they want at me, and be as mean as they like. But don’t mess with me as a mother, because I will get out a knife and come after you!” she said.

I’m a very good mother
and if you say I’m not
I’ll stick a knife in your ribs
and hope your blood doesn’t clot

I’ll baste you and roast you
in a bloody big oven
if you dare to suggest
I’m an unmotherly sloven

I’ll hang, draw and quarter you –
what was that darling?
I’m frothing at the mouth
and leering and snarling?

You’re scared are you dear?
You think mummy’s bad?
Just pass me that knife
and stop looking so sad!