DON’T BOGART THAT GOVERNMENT

David Cameron allegedly smoked cannabis at Eton 25 years ago. The Borkowski poet in residence wonders how this revelation may change his approach to reaching power.

“This is a challenge and an opportunity for David Cameron. He is young, he is an ironic idealist, he still has his hair… he could make the Conservative Party seem new and radical… Perhaps the Tories can become the party of our “generation of change”. It would not be a bad idea.” William Rees-Mogg, The Times, February 12

Don’t bogart that government my friend,
pass it over to me.
Don’t bogart that government my friend,
pass it over to me.

Elect another one
just like the other one.
You’ve been hanging on to it
now it’s my turn for a bit.

I’m a candidate for youth
who’ll eventually face the truth
if I’m faced with any tabloid exposé.

I have webcams, I have bicycles.
I’ll turn the North Pole back to icicles.
and hand out policies like presents from a sleigh.

I may have smoked a joint or two
aged 15 back in ‘82
but it’s helped me occupy the middle ground.

I’ll put the party back into politics
won’t just go for the quickest fix;
I’m the one you’d want to have around!

You can see my hip credentials
and all the telling differentials
between myself and poor old Gordon Brown.

I’m not from the bargain basement,
I’m your obvious replacement
so come on Tony, hand me down your crown.

Don’t bogart that government my friend,
pass it over to me.
Don’t bogart that government my friend,
pass it over to me.