BRITNEY DE MILO

Britney Spears is commissioning a nude portrait of herself. She has finally got back in shape following the birth of her second son, Jayden James, and is so proud of her figure she wants it “immortalised” in a painting.

For Britney Spears, immortality
means being painted in the nude.
She wants to be a pop art princess.
She wants oils to make her less crude.

She wants to define herself by her body,
leave her mind at the studio door
but they don’t make the kind of painters
who can help her any more.

If she wants to be a blank-faced Venus
of the Botticelli type
she’ll find very few artists
who value substance less than hype

and are willing to make the statement
that she wants them to make.
What she needs is a Tom Keating
who’s not averse to painting a fake.