The Clean Sheets of Fame

Psalm 3 from The Book of Common Celebrity Prayer

“The lure of celebrity is so great among teenagers that almost one in 10 would abandon their education if they had the chance to appear on television.” The Independent, January 13, 2006

Oh, slip me between the clean sheets of fame,
cast me in crystal, televise my thoughts.
I want the chance to exorcise my shame,
forget all those lousy school reports.

I want to be the dream boy for a host
of screaming girls or boys. Whatever works.
I want money, power. Champagne and toast
for breakfast every day. Patent my quirks,

let the whole world love each neurotic twitch.
Make them imitate me in the schoolyard.
Make them envy me. Make them make me rich.
Real life is dismal. Punch that card

and sign me on to fame’s wild rollercoaster ride.
I have nothing to say, but I’ll not be denied.