YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT

Armin Meiwes – who murdered and ate a man he met over the internet – says he would like to have Robbie Williams for dinner because he only eats “beautiful people”. Twisted though his outlook may be, it is an excellent metaphor for the desperate need to be famous that is creeping through the heart of British society.

I want to feast on the beautiful set,
it’s time that they gave as good as they get;
Brad, Angelina, Jude Law and the rest.
You are what you eat must be put to the test.

Not a single soap star will pass my lips
they stick in my teeth, go straight to my hips.
My stomach must be free of Big Brother plebs.
I want a diet of A list celebs.

I want to feast on the beautiful set,
it’s time that they gave as good as they get.
Serve me Hugh Grant with beans and falafel
or Robbie Williams sliced like a waffle.

Roast Gwyneth Paltrow with apple in mouth.
Anyone lovely who’s still got their youth.
Brad, Angelina, Jude Law and the rest.
You are what you eat must be put to the test.

I want to be famous and sexy as hell.
Why not get what I want by eating well?
My stomach must be free of Big Brother plebs.
I want a diet of A list celebs.

Fame’s a dog-eat-dog world. You can be sure
that stars would seek out a cannibal cure
for the pretensions of prettier rivals
or the old guard making career revivals.

If it were legal they’d be in like Flynn
(though Errol’s too dead to be taken with gin).
So I want to feast on the beautiful set,
it’s time that they gave as good as they get.

The press have already partly consumed
the louchely coiffured yet expertly groomed
Brad, Angelina, Jude Law and the rest.
All that I want is some celebrity breast.

Yes, I want to feast on the beautiful set,
it’s time that they gave as good as they get;
Brad, Angelina, Jude Law and the rest.
You are what you eat must be put to the test.