THE SCIENTOLOGIST MOUSE’S FIANCEE HAS SECOND THOUGHTS

Katie Holmes is reportedly having doubts about marrying Tom Cruise. She allegedly told a visitor to the isolated Colorado retreat where she has been staying with Suri and Tom’s family: “I don’t have my own life any more. I’m not comfortable.”

The excitement’s worn off
and all through the house
nothing is stirring,
not even the scientologist mouse.
The couch has stopped creaking,
it’s not been jumped on in days
and Suri’s stopped crying
since her publicity blaze.
“She takes after her father,”
whispers Katie, quite glum,
“but at least she only sucks
her cute little thumb
and makes the natural demands
you’d expect from a child –
wanting milk and a cuddle
won’t leave you reviled
by media and moguls
or have the world at your throat.”
Unlike her fiancé
who seems to promote
religion before movies –
a quite hideous sin
in the eyes of an industry
that thrives upon spin.

The excitement’s worn off
and all through the house
nothing is stirring,
not even the scientologist mouse.
He’s gone off to search for
a brand new career
since Paramount brutally
put him out on his ear.
In Colorado quiet
Katie’s had time to reflect –
with Tom’s star descending
why should she genuflect
to his whims, his religion,
his furniture athletics
or even his refusal
to let her have anaesthetics.
If ego’s genetic
and another baby is due
she might well need them
to push it’s head through.
And then there’s the money
Mr Cruise won’t be earning –
a lot of good reasons
why Tom’s ripe for spurning…