Tony Blair speaks to potential lenders
Labour may have gathered as much as £10m in secret loans before the last election.
I’m not saying that a loan will alone secure a place
in the hallowed House of Lords, but as I said Your Grace
(if I can address you thus now your cheque is in the bank);
you are one of many people whom we’d really like to thank.
It’s important this transaction stays quietly translucent
as transparency at this moment would really be a nuisance.
No one must know that Parliament is a house of credit cards
at least until my leadership has run all of its nine yards.
We shan’t be telling anyone who doesn’t need to know
so just relax in secrecy and watch the interest grow.
There is just one final caveat you’ll need to know, my lord –
if all of this goes public you must fall upon your sword
as it wouldn’t do at all for the Prime Minister to resign.
Just think how noble it would be, casting pearls before the swine
as you save the British Government from being brought to its knees
and help me keep my place in history without a trace of sleaze.