TEXT AN IMMIGRANT

The Borkowski poet in residence takes at look at headline-grabbing policymaking in light of John Reid’s plans to introduce a text messaging scheme for potential visa overstayers.

Text an immigrant, hug a hoodie.
Solve race relations; hang Jade Goody.

Text an immigrant but don’t be petty –
they can stay if they’re pretty like Shilpa Shetty.

Text an immigrant on Richard and Judy.
You Say We Pay to hug a hoodie.

Text an immigrant, say the leaders
with a careful eye on tabloid readers.

Text an immigrant, get them on their bikes.
If they’ve got no visa they can take a hike.

Text an immigrant, cash for lordships.
Ban the burger, it’ll go to your hips.

Text an immigrant, grab the headlines.
Lay down laws like they’re red wines.

Text an immigrant; if they’re illegal,
be hard on them like Steven Segal.

Text an immigrant, remove soft clauses.
Be tough on crime and on its causes.

Text an immigrant, hug a hoodie.
Solve race relations; hang Jade Goody.