PUBLIC EXPOSURE

Cheap publicity solutions for aging celebrities

George Michael believes his recent arrest was good for his career. He said: “In all honesty it does me good. I take crap for a couple of weeks but it promotes my new single. I hate to say it but it’s true. I don’t want to do regular promotion so it does me good.”

A new single’s due out
so here’s a free tip;
to make sure it charts,
go out and strip
in public places
where you know you’ll be caught.
The best sort of PR
is a lurid report.

A quick public shaming
or high profile arrest
are great cheap publicity
for the world to digest
as long as children
and animals are not involved.
For an aging celebrity
it’s a PR headache solved.

Get caught smoking dope
whilst driving too fast
or clamping your genitals
and having a blast.
Get down with the criminals
(but don’t get sucked in).
At least slag off your peers
whilst tanked up on gin

(although creativity adds
to the attention you’ll get
and the public prefer
to see a little more sweat).
Youth and vitality
are not on your side.
Go out and get swallowing –
start with your pride.