POOR DAVID CAMERON

(Newly elected leader of the Conservative Party)

Ah David, poor David,
you’ve clasped the poisoned chalice
of Tory party leadership,
entered a world of malice
only an election victory can end.

And David, poor David,
will you beat off Gordon Brown?
Can you really win elections?
Can you reposses the Downing Street crown
or will it end in tears again?

Ah David, poor David,
it’s killed off better men’s careers
– though William Hague might disagree –
but will you be the one who steers
the Tories out of history’s u-bend?

And David, poor David,
what, in the end, can you conserve?
Will you get into a jam
or will democracy just be preserved
with a stronger opposition?

Oh David, poor David,
you look like the son of Blair
and Peter Mandelson –
the former’s grin, the latter’s hair.
Perhaps, just perhaps, this’ll help you win.