IF

after Rudyard Kipling

Kate Moss has been shortlisted for the ‘Celebrity Mother of the Year’ award alongside celebrities such as Sharon Osbourne and Rod Stewart’s fiancée Penny Lancaster. Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, also made the list.

If you can love your child when all about you
are hating theirs and blaming it on Heat,
if you can keep solvent when accountants admit defeat,
keep up a trust fund and still compete;
if you can take drugs and not become a druggie
nor yet an alcoholic, and not deal in drugs,
nor, being hated, let go of the baby’s buggy
to take a swing at the paparazzi’s hounding thugs,

if you can talk to TV cameras and still sound cool
or walk with queens and not seem butch,
if you can dress up for charity and play the fool;
if all men fancy you, but none too much,
if you can fill the unforgiving press
with headlines and still not appear too dumb
yours is the Earth and the Versace dress
and doubtless you’ll be voted Celebrity Mum.