BURY THE BAD LOBSTER

Has Jo Moore no shame? The doe-eyed softie came out with a grovelling apology for her misdemeanours. Her “bury the bad news” memo showed an exemplary understanding of the mechanics of political spin.

If some moaning, antediluvian MPs and civil servants haven’t woken up and smelt the contemporary political coffee, that’s their problem.

Ms Moore should start lobbying for a promotion immediately.

With talents like hers, in 12 months she’ll have redefined her action as heroic, visionary and indicative of outstanding integrity beyond the call of duty.

In terms of smelling coffee, last week I talked about what the Taliban weren’t doing in PR terms. This week, they’ve started doing it. I hope there’s no connection.

Common wisdom has it that, at times like these, you can only get a story in the media if it’s wearing a flak jacket.

Lightweight comedy, trivia and those infamous “and finally” stories are having a tough time of it but it is heartening to see they have not sunk without trace.

The legendary ex-rabbi turned stand-up, Jackie Mason, is currently performing in London’s west end.

At the end of a show that contains some full-on political satire relating to the current situation, he delivers a quiet, touching plea to his audience not to feel ashamed about laughing when world events are so sombre.

Then he cracks his final gag and walks off stage.

I can’t tell it the way he does, so I won’t, but if you’re interested, go and spend some very funny hours in his company and, meanwhile, don’t feel offended that I should write about Barney the Lobster.

Until last week, Barney lived in a tank at the Kaspia restaurant in London.

At a staggeringly obese 10lbs plus (or was it kilos?), the head chef, William Cooper, decided Barney was just too old and fat to be drizzled with a piquant tofu, walnut and cranberry consomme and served on a bed of braised watercress a la nouvelle paparazzi.

The chef suggested gifting Barney to the London Aquarium and the London Aquarium agreed with alacrity, knowing full well there was no place in its pristine displays for a scabby old homeless crustacean.

So the aquarium made a major humanitarian play, sending Barney back to his roots in Cornwall, accompanied by a diver who dumped him under a rock in the depths of the Atlantic.

This harmless and heart-warming tale is a neat piece of feelgood PR for the Aquarium and Kaspia.

Sadly, the restaurant failed to manipulate the media interest to its proper advantage.

If it had, it would now be packed with diners tucking in enthusiastically to today’s special – briquettes of pan-fried shark eyes with a slimy piece of fungus you’ve never heard of (£27.65).

Oh – and finally (as they say) – nobody seemed to pick up on the fact the aquarium’s spokesperson was called Jamie Oliver.

Presumably this is not the Sainsbury’s shopper who buys ingredients past their sell-by date (as in, “just throw in a handful of the old carrots”).

Stunt meter rating: 6.9