BOWING OUT

A sullen and potentially unstable truce was struck yesterday between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown after the prime minister reluctantly bowed to the demands of the chancellor and rebel MPs by promising to step down within 12 months.

“One way or another I’ll be gone within the year,”
says Tony Blair adjusting hair and playing with his ear.
“The party has stopped fighting – there is nothing left to fear.

So look at all the shiny schools and the changes that I’ve wrought
and please forget our sponsors and the lordships that they’ve bought
and most of all forget about the wars that Britain’s fought.

Thanks to us the Lebanon is now completely hunky dory
and even hardcore Labourites are all ever so slightly Tory,
which will make it hard for David Cameron to go off seeking glory!

It’s the people, yes, the voters, who matter most to me
until 12 months are up and I’m completely free
to get out and host some game shows for the BBC

or maybe tour the USA and give some rousing talks
for Arnie or the President and his merry band of hawks.
In the meantime, civility please and anyone who balks

will be sent to join the Lib Dems with fleas stuck in their ears.
I want my place in history, not a flood of crocodile tears,
so it matters that I get it right and I impress my peers

because, yes, I do have peers you know; it’s not so lonely at the top.
You need someone to take with you when you face the chop.
No, I can’t confirm it’s Gordon Brown, he’d only have a strop

and start more internal bickering, making matters worse
then double knot the drawstrings of the parliamentary purse
which could only mean New Labour would be drawn off in a hearse.

I may not fight the next election, but my influence will last,”
says Tony Blair as his apparent heir looks on quite aghast.
“It should really get exciting, now the die’s been cast.”