Big tobacco in Africa

Family weddings, funerals and birthdays always throw up the black sheep of the family. At a recent shindig a distant relative of my wife turned up in his rather extraordinary chrome penis extension. The guests, like proverbial fish wives, gossiped relentlessly – inebriated by vintage champagne and in hush tones speculated on the source of his wealth. Later that same evening I asked him what he did – he was sheepish but then blurted out that he was selling fags to the Third World. Shamelessly he extolled the virtues of marketing cigarettes and I realise it was clearly a vocation. Cousin Stogie had been given help to answer all the obvious difficult questions I threw at him, particularly about the direction of his moral compass. The material rewards clearly outweighed the inner turmoil that must have twisted his soul. Scarily he knew his stuff and happily confided in the tactics used to hook the younger smoker. I marveled at his ingenuity, and so news today that he is the man who is trying to exploit the ignorant in Africa who are unaware of the hazards of smoking is no surprise to me. My man in Nairobi is now in the centre of the storm as the Nigerian government has launched a £22bn lawsuit against three multinational cigarette manufacturers. It accuses them of trying to hook young Africans on tobacco, to replenish a market that is dwindling in the West. Clearly big tobacco companies are running out of space and stunts involving Hollywood blockbusters used to lure youngsters to the vice of smoking. I hope my errant in-law will struggle to find gainful employment as I would rather employ a convicted felon rather than a man that peddled death.