When will Chelsea FC stop shooting itself in the foot? For a team that is virtually unbeatable on the pitch, Chelsea are remarkably poor at defending themselves off it. I ought to be celebrating, after the football team I’ve supported since I was a small boy beat Arsenal at Highbury on Sunday.
Advice for wannabe celebrities Kiss and tell all, it keeps the world turning if the love in your heart is burning, burning. The world is your oyster and the press wants your pearls – especially if you’ve slept with hundreds of girls. Kiss and tell all if you’ve slept with a royal. Diana’s dead, there’s […]
Robbie Williams has been warned by an obsessive fan not to travel to Berlin in case he is abducted by aliens. Robbie took off in a beam of light as the encore of Angels began and all Robbie’s fans got such a fright that a thousand lighters burned a thousand hands but Robbie didn’t blink […]
Going face to face with Ant and Dec on prime time telly can only be a good thing for the royals Whisper it quietly in the corridors of Buck House and Balmoral, but there are definite signs that the royal family is edging its way into the 21st century. I know, I know, they’ve been […]
How Cameron and his ‘kids’ staged grandaddy of all coups Words of advice from Mark Borkowski: David Cameron should remember the old publicist’s advice: we’ll look after your enemies but you have to protect yourself from your friends. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,17129-1910524,00.html
(Newly elected leader of the Conservative Party) Ah David, poor David, you’ve clasped the poisoned chalice of Tory party leadership, entered a world of malice only an election victory can end. And David, poor David, will you beat off Gordon Brown? Can you really win elections? Can you reposses the Downing Street crown or will […]
16 Lines in honour of 50 Cent’s new range of bedroom (and bathroom) accessories Blue, it is said, is the colour and 50 Cent clearly agrees as he’s wooing his female fanbase by inches and degrees with an extravagantly proportioned dildo, a big blue watertight, motorized cock ready for use in the bathtub that he […]
Mel Gibson, Mel Gibson, God’s modest son, that full-bloodied Christian replete with a gun who last got his kicks flagellating Christ (because a violence-free movie would not have sufficed) has now got his teeth into the Mayan apocalypse – a subject that could simply fry every synapse – and with a million quid paid to […]